Have you been wanting to move for a long time? To start your studies/work and somehow start a new life? Now that the time has finally arrived you must be happy, but… it’s not the case, and impossible to find an explanation. We are here to enlighten and reassure you!
What do you feel? Is this normal?
Changes in life can be diverse and varied and occur in many ways. Sometimes inevitable, these changes affect everyone differently, whether they are necessary or not. A person may enjoy change, but so does someone who can’t stand it. But what is change? It is something that drastically alters your daily life or not. In this case, that ‘something’ is moving alone to another city, starting a new job/study where you don’t know anyone. Yet you’ve been wanting to start this new facet of your life for years, so to speak. To be independent, to not have to listen to the rules that your parents had set up at home. It all sounds great, but now that you’ve just started, you feel anything but bliss. You are facing several emotions such as sadness, stress, anxiety, loneliness, isolation, oppression…
Small point of differentiation:
Anxiety and stress are two distinct things.
Stress is a state of psychological and/or physical tension that has an unknowable duration. Anxiety is an unjustified negative anticipation. An irrational or excessive fear of danger in the future.
Why do you feel this way? When are you at your worst during the day?
Lack of attachment figures:
Unfortunately, there is no single answer as to why. It may be because you are away from your two attachment figures, your parents. “Yes, but when I lived with my parents I was in my room most of the time, I almost never saw them”. You don’t have to spend a lot of time with your parents to miss them once you are physically away from them. When you lived with your parents, you knew they were in the next room, that they were close by, even without visual evidence. In your new home in the city, you feel the loss of not having both of your parental figures around, and that is totally normal. We are all unique and different human beings with different emotions that are interpreted differently by each of us.
Mornings and evenings, more sensitive times:
The morning and the evening are two moments in the day when you find yourself all alone at home. You go to bed, or you have just woken up, but in any case you have a little moment of tranquility where you do nothing and where your brain is not occupied with your thoughts. You just want to be at home where everything is quiet and seems relaxing, until you realize that the silence at home is anything but soothing…
A great wave of anxiety comes over you as soon as you wake up in the morning, giving you no strength or desire. It takes away all your appetite, making you very weak. Sadness is added to this, because you are distressed by your condition, you have never felt like this and want the security of your parents, which in this case, you miss terribly. You look around your home and realize that you are indeed alone. Loneliness begins to intervene, and can be devastating as well as very painful when it is suffered. You force yourself to go to school/work anyway, and once there, emotions such as anxiety, stress (…) begin to dissipate little by little. You come home once school is over/work is done, and it all starts again; anxiety, sadness (…) come to greet you as soon as you get home, and cling to you, making the feeling of all these emotions multiply at night.
What can you do about it?
- Admit that you are not at your best. It’s normal to not always feel well, and you have to accept it in order to be willing to help yourself and get help. If you feel the need to cry to get rid of your sadness, what you feel, do it. Everyone gets rid of what’s bothering them in different ways, but once you’ve been able to let go, you’ll feel better and lighter.
- Keep busy. Try to find things to do so that you don’t let anxiety (…) creep in. If you had a full schedule and lots of things to do, you would have less time to think about how you feel.
- Take things from your parents’ house to your new home. Having items that remind you of your parents and their home in your home will soothe, comfort and make you look forward to seeing them again. If you decorate your home in your own way, it will make you want to live there, stay there and feel good.
- Surround yourself with your friends, if you are lucky enough to be in the same city or not too far from them. You can confide in them and tell them how you feel right now, and maybe one of your friends could stay over sometimes to make you feel a little more secure?
- The last and most important point is the notion of time. Being pessimistic and saying that your condition is not going to get better will not help your situation. You have to be optimistic even if it is easier said than done, and be in the spirit of “today is a new day”. Let time do the work, it works miracles I assure you.